you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
