I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
