In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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