On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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