Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
