LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Farmville is her only friend.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Randomize
