11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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