alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
