I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
