Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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