Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
