You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
