Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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