just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
