Me. At least after what I've been through.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
