So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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