We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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