Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
