I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
