did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
