That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
