I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
