My friends, they love my intelligence
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
