I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
