cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
