We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
