I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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