she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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