"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
