I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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