well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
