If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
