well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
