I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
