I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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