So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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