The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
