I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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