I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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