The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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