I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can I color on your dick again?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
