dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
