my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
