its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
