I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
