She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
