Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
