I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
