Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
