Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
