I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
