Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
