im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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